little family, big family

Yesterday it took all day to get from Blue Mounds, WI back home to FL. It was a very different landing: mh was at work, my daughter at school; they had left my car at the airport so I could get myself home. Simply sitting in my own car was bliss. Then there was the sweet chaos of my daughter and her boyfriend catching me up on the news. I went to fetch mh from work and the four of us percolated in the kitchen, decompressing and story-telling.

It was so sweet. It felt like midline had returned, they all could exhale. It was wonderful to sit back and watch them all realign in our little orbit. This is my little family, alive and knit together and vibrant.... this is what I come home to. They beam me back home. We've got big energy, the three or four of us, and it comes from this very sweet, reliable core of big big love.

I've never known it to be like this.

And knowing that I come home to this lets me go back out into the world, to my big teaching family, in a smoother way. Their big love holds me all the way out and back.

you can call me June

History in the making here.

Yesterday my husband put on his nice work clothes and went to work. And my daughter went to school and I stayed home. We have lots of new rhythms to adjust to. Including one puzzle - if I leave for WI tomorrow and don't get home til Monday night, and he leaves Monday morning for a weeks' training session in Miami.... will I get to see him at all before I leave for Montana Oct. 2??? Inquiring minds would like to know. It would be nice to celebrate our anniversary on Sept 30 together.

So here I am doing all the prep work for class - 3 printers running at once, lots of brochure-folding and assembly to do - and at 5:00pm I'll put on those pearls and heels and my best apron and have a drink and dinner ready for my man.

cue the elephant

Betcha felt the earth shake again today. not just from the Gulf coast, either.

Betcha felt it rocking with the force of tectonic plates FINALLY moving past their crunching logjam of the past 3 years.

Betcha felt my husband land a job. A real job with benefits and lots of room for promotion. Right here in Florida.

How is it that history repeats itself like this. In 1994, in the space of one earth-shaking day like this, my then=husband finally gets a real job after three years of unemployment (and daily misery, complete with moaning suicide wishes), I LOSE my job, and my daughter's school teachers go on strike. Leaving me totally upside down - one minute the only bread-winner in the house, next minute the full-time mom while dad actually went to work.

????

TODAY - my husband lands a job. I send in my application to take my first graduate-school class. I start the interview process for a marketing agency to grow my business. And the elephant in the middle of the room, who's been parking her fat smelly ass right on my spine, got up and moved.

and I could breath. A little jerky, rusty after all this time.... but it's breath. and it's mine. And I have some space, space to get creative and grow my business again.

Oh. My. God.

Three years, down to scraping the absolute rocky bottom with that f-ing elephant on my back.... and it's finally GONE.

Just in the knick of time.

Hallelujah.

laws of attraction

The topic of "strategic attraction" has been lurking in our household, for the past two months especially. I think it needs to be re-named. The flip side of attraction is denial. And to focus all your energy on the manipulation of the attraction side, AS IF you knew better than the universe what tools you needed to grow and prosper... well, that's a dangerous proposition indeed.

What you ignore in your self, rules you from your subconscious. If these attraction strategies were organic and inherent in the rhythms of nature, adhering to them would not alienate you from your loved ones. The more energy you focus on the one side only fuels the drive of the other to get your attention.

How can espousing attraction alienate you from the life of those who love you? In an organic and authentic way?

This whole manipulation, directive thing bothers me.

I KNOW when I'm grounded, paying attention, resonating to the field of abundance that is carrying me. When I'm receptive, somatically, I can flow with the rhythm and step up to grab what's being offered. I'm participating in the greater flow of the infinite energetic Field of possibilities. We're engaged together. It's dynamic. And it comes from a real place.

That kind of process allows me to grow into a deeper, more authentic version of my true self. It leads me deeper into midline and the stillness of pure potential, and then allows me to participate more fully from that place.

And I can do it without the buzz words, or formulas, or magic mantras that suck me right out of my own reality and into some false, slick game.

Truth is truth, and it wants you to sink in and own it more deeply.

Like kids who want to play with the box the toy came in, not the fancy-schmancy uber-psycho development gimmick inside, the simpler the approach, the more deeply our creativity is stimulated and the more honestly we can own up to ourselves.

It's creating quite the polarity right now, and I don't care to be judged from that gimmicky side.

just another disaster

Somehow this summer has been a never-ending series of "weeks from hell." I never knew my life was really like that. Maybe its just that my resources are so spent - emotionally, financially - it's easier to ride the heavy chop when the bills are paid and business is reassuringly percolating.

A week ago, my husband was in the ecstatic throes of job interviews, and I let my guard down. What WOULD it feel like to have him supporting the household? How COULD I start to exhale? And from that pivot place I went to Michigan to work in my colleauges pediatric clinic for a few days.

Ohhhh I had forgotten what it was like to be appreciated, in that healthy, clinical, respectful way. Yes. That was good resonance. And we got some fabulous things done for the kids. Who, by the way, love our pediatric labyrinth. And we brainstormed some great ideas for support materials. This is the clarity of resonance that I want to build upon. This is the level of work that I need to function with.

And then I tried to go to Denver.

Didn't realize I had such hidden issues about going - until the planes started glitching and diverting and abandoning me.... and then mh started glitching and diverting and abandoning me.... and I got off in Colorado Springs and my luggage went to Denver and Delta's monkey staff in India just inflamed the confusion.

Confusion is a pretty powerful attractor, one that we manage to disregard 99% of the time. We just don't live that way. We can step out of it; not engage it. But TRIBAL CONFUSION is a vortex unto itself. And if step-son E is the one generating the confusion, and we're off balance, it's a mess.

And so it was.

Yesterday we made our escape, and this time things kind of worked according to plan. Until we got home.

Why does the fridge door feel so hot? Why is it 75 DEGREES INSIDE THE FRIDGE????

So at 1030pm, after flying cross country all day long, we are in a slap-dash panic, throwing out a fridge-full of food, moving freezer contents to the garage freezer, using all my hurricane ice supplies for the two coolers of salvageable food.

What? no repairman til Wednesday?

Here we are.

Welcome to my nightmare and can things please get better now?